Sickman's hole

wrote,@ 2005-01-25



Ah yes, Rose.  An interesting case of a woman utterly twisted by her perversions, by her need to degrade herself. I don't even remember how we first started talking, but she kept me entertained through so many long afternoons at work. 

Myself, I am very comfortable with my perversions.  This means I feel pretty much the same about things I get off on when I am not aroused as when I am.  For a lot of people, however, as soon as they orgasm and the arousal flows away they are filled with negative feelings about what turns them on.  Rose was an extreme case of this.  So often, as soon as she got off she would be completely disgusted with herself and effectively run away from me in utter shame. 

The cycle played out over and over and over spanning a number of years.  She would come looking for humiliation.  If I teased her for a few days, not permitting her to orgasm, she would keep coming back. I would have her do increasingly disgusting things until, when she was finally allowed to cum, she would disappear.  Sometimes she would be back the next day for more, but after a few days or so, once she had done something truly horrible, I would not hear from her for weeks or even months.  Maybe she just needed that itch scratched and once sated was good for a while, but I tend to think it was more desperate than that. I doubt "sated" is what she felt. I think she needed to feel utter self-loathing and every time she ran away it was because she was could not stand herself.  I think she often swore to quit, like an addict who knows her vice is self-destructive 

But then weeks or months later she would come crawling back for more, a moth to a flame, a crack-whore to her dealer.

Some folks enjoy playing golf, Me?  I just love tormenting emotional masochists!